As I watch my mom sleep and watch to make sure she is breathing, I can't help but think that when I was little she surely watched me and made sure that I was breathing. I think of all the things that she has done for me and my family. She always gave us the best, always sacrificing for whatever we needed and always, always putting us first. I learned from her how to be a mother, she was an amazing example. She is the best "Gram" ever. She has a special relationship with my daughter. They are so very close. She took care of her from the time I went back to work after her birth until the time she started school and then afternoons after she went to school. She has been to scocer games, volleyball games and anything else that Suz was involved in and has always been one of her biggest fans. I remember the day that Suz left for college, mom said " I told myself that I was not going to cry". As soon as Suz came in the door to tell her goodbye, they both started bawling. They have a very special relationship and I think they are both better for it.
My mom has always been the caregiver in our family all these years. Now it is our turn to care for her. I guess in life you come full circle. It is my honor and privilege to be able to care for her. I will do everything in my power to honor her and I am happy to make sacrifices for her, after all she deserves it.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Day 16 at Healthsouh
So, as I sit here at 10:15pm spending the night with mom and wathcing her sleep. I have so many thoughts that go through my head. I can remember one day while driving home from the hospital just crying so hard that I was physically shaking and it was uncontrollable. I kept thinking that I just can't do this, I was overwhelmed and just kind of beside myself. I realize that my mom is strong and that I am her daughter and I am strong too. I can do anything for my mom, anything at all, my goal is to make her happy and help her to get well. I remember days of her being so tired that all she could do after therapy was sleep. she still has some dayhs like that, but she is awake more than she was when she first arrived here. They have helped her to swallow better and she has "graduated" from pureed food to mechanical soft food. I am reflecting on the outpouring of love that we have experienced from family and friends. So many have come to see her, she has many friends and lots of people that love her.
She is one of the lucky ones here at Healthsouth, there are so many that have no visitors. It seems so sad to me. I have made it a point to speak and check on the lady across the hall, she seems so sad and she hasn't had many people come to see her.
I am so thankful for my sisters, my daughter and my husband. This journey has been hard on all of us, we are tired and we are sleepy, but we are not complaining, we have the easy job, Mom's has the hard job. She has the struggle of getting better and dealing with her deficits from the stroke.
I just want to take care of her and make sure that she has everything that she needs. Our plan is to take her home when she is discharged from here. She deserves to be in her home and we are committed to making that happen. We have been told that it will not be easy, but that's okay. I am sure it was not easy raising the four of us kids. She deserves everything that we can do for her whether it is hard or easy, we can and we will do all that is within our power. We will pray that the Lord will give us strength and wisdom to handle this situation and I know He will. He has brought us this far and He will continue to help us.
She is one of the lucky ones here at Healthsouth, there are so many that have no visitors. It seems so sad to me. I have made it a point to speak and check on the lady across the hall, she seems so sad and she hasn't had many people come to see her.
I am so thankful for my sisters, my daughter and my husband. This journey has been hard on all of us, we are tired and we are sleepy, but we are not complaining, we have the easy job, Mom's has the hard job. She has the struggle of getting better and dealing with her deficits from the stroke.
I just want to take care of her and make sure that she has everything that she needs. Our plan is to take her home when she is discharged from here. She deserves to be in her home and we are committed to making that happen. We have been told that it will not be easy, but that's okay. I am sure it was not easy raising the four of us kids. She deserves everything that we can do for her whether it is hard or easy, we can and we will do all that is within our power. We will pray that the Lord will give us strength and wisdom to handle this situation and I know He will. He has brought us this far and He will continue to help us.
Rehab
So we begin with Rehab. It is now June 3rd and Healthsouth has an available bed, so we take it for fear that there won't be one anytime soon. We pack everything up and she is transported to Healthsouth. I ride with her from the hospital in the transport van to Healthsouth. It is Thursday and this ordeal started 6 days ago. Wow, it was hard to even remember what day it was, much less the date.
She is admitted to Healthsouth, lots of questions and lots of paperwork, but she is in her bed and resting. I am answering the questions. Mom tells the nurse that I know more about her health than she does. She is so tired and just doing really well. It is an exhausting day and I sleep in the chair next to her bed. I am so thankful for my sisters, Karen and Patti. We work in shifts and take turns sitting with mom. I hate leaving her when it is not my turn to stay with her. We were told that we could not spend the night with her, but because she is not doing well they allow us to since her roommate has said it was okay. She has the sweetest roommate. Her name is Lavern, so I tease them both that they are Lavern and Shirley. We really like Lavern, she is such a sweet little christian lady. Her daughter is the administrative assistant here at Healthsouth and she is also so very kind.
The rehab stay begins. She starts therapy the day after admission and they waste no time. She sleeps through alot of the therapy. She is so tired the least amount of activity wears her out. We enjoy seeing Lavern everyday. She is so upbeat, she is scheduled to go home on the 8th.
So now it is Sunday and Mom is weighed, she has lost 8 pounds in four days. She is not eating well and Dr. Hennigan suggests a PEG tube. We had hoped to avoid this, but 8 pounds is alot to lose. On Monday the 7th we agree that she needs the tube. We think it will be several days before it is done since she is on aspirin and Plavix.
Well, PEG day is here, it is going to happen today, Tuesday June 8th. So much faster than expected. I am concerned that she has not been off of the aspirin/Plavix long enough but the surgeon placing the tube wants to do it.
Tuesday June 8th: We are leaving to go to GCH GI clinic to have the PEG tube placed today. As we are leaving, Ms. Lavern tells us that she will most likely be gone when we return. SHe hugs us by and tells us that she will be praying for all of us. I cry because we will miss her, she is so precious. But good for her she gets to go home.
We head off to GCH for the PEG tube and again I am able to stay with her until they take her in to the procedure room and then I get back to her as soon as they are done. The PEG insertion is uneventful and we head back to her room at Healthsouth. We return and Ms. Lavern is gone, her bed empty, one day we hope that mom's rehab bed will be empty and she will be at home, time will tell.
She is admitted to Healthsouth, lots of questions and lots of paperwork, but she is in her bed and resting. I am answering the questions. Mom tells the nurse that I know more about her health than she does. She is so tired and just doing really well. It is an exhausting day and I sleep in the chair next to her bed. I am so thankful for my sisters, Karen and Patti. We work in shifts and take turns sitting with mom. I hate leaving her when it is not my turn to stay with her. We were told that we could not spend the night with her, but because she is not doing well they allow us to since her roommate has said it was okay. She has the sweetest roommate. Her name is Lavern, so I tease them both that they are Lavern and Shirley. We really like Lavern, she is such a sweet little christian lady. Her daughter is the administrative assistant here at Healthsouth and she is also so very kind.
The rehab stay begins. She starts therapy the day after admission and they waste no time. She sleeps through alot of the therapy. She is so tired the least amount of activity wears her out. We enjoy seeing Lavern everyday. She is so upbeat, she is scheduled to go home on the 8th.
So now it is Sunday and Mom is weighed, she has lost 8 pounds in four days. She is not eating well and Dr. Hennigan suggests a PEG tube. We had hoped to avoid this, but 8 pounds is alot to lose. On Monday the 7th we agree that she needs the tube. We think it will be several days before it is done since she is on aspirin and Plavix.
Well, PEG day is here, it is going to happen today, Tuesday June 8th. So much faster than expected. I am concerned that she has not been off of the aspirin/Plavix long enough but the surgeon placing the tube wants to do it.
Tuesday June 8th: We are leaving to go to GCH GI clinic to have the PEG tube placed today. As we are leaving, Ms. Lavern tells us that she will most likely be gone when we return. SHe hugs us by and tells us that she will be praying for all of us. I cry because we will miss her, she is so precious. But good for her she gets to go home.
We head off to GCH for the PEG tube and again I am able to stay with her until they take her in to the procedure room and then I get back to her as soon as they are done. The PEG insertion is uneventful and we head back to her room at Healthsouth. We return and Ms. Lavern is gone, her bed empty, one day we hope that mom's rehab bed will be empty and she will be at home, time will tell.
The Hospital Stay
Wow it was so unbelievable!! Here we were in the hopsital and as you can imagine the testing begins. Mom's arm and leg on the left side were not working at all. They were useless, and I felt useless to help her. Mom wakes up Monday AM and she supplies some comic relief. She says to me that she heard Paul snoring all night. I explain to her that it was the lady in the bed next to her. She is to have an MRI of her brain today and we will see what it shows. While waiting that afternoon for the MRI report and to see the doctor, Dr. Vu comes in and states that she has had a stroke on the right front part of her brain. Not good news! He explains that it is a "dry stroke" and that we have several choices for treatment, but he would like to have a 4 vessel angiogram the next day to determine exactly were the blockage could is. We were visiting her and next thing I know she has raised her left arm and is scratching her nose and then proceeds to lift her hand all the way to the top of her head. Suzannah and I were about to shout and do a dance. We had just witnessed our first miracle. I cannot express to you how excited we were. Later that day we are moved to a private room. I have asked Dr. Vu if he would consult Dr. Shumate as mom's neurologist and he said that he would.
We don't leave her side and we don't want to. It was so hard to let them take her to have the angiogram. The staff at GCH was wonderful they let me stay with her until they took her in for the angiogram, I did not want to leave her, I was scared and she was scared, but we had to know what we were dealing with. It seemed like a long time waiting for her to be done and finally they called us. The radiologist calls me into the computer room and shows me the film of her angiogram. It is very evident as you see the dye go through the vessels in her head that on the right side the dye/blood does not flow past a certain point. It is flowing and then abruptly stops. It does not feed the blood vessels past that point and this is the area of her brain that affects her motor skills on the left side. So now we know for sure that it is a large right frontal stroke.
Dr. Vu comes to speak to us and tells us that the treatment might be to give her a blood thinner, but that could cause her to have a bleed, which would be worse than the stroke she has already had, but not doing anything could cause her to have another "embolic" stroke. He defers to Dr. Shumate and we will get to see him later tonight.
Dr. Shumate, what a nice guy, a great doctor and my friend. He comes in and sees Mom and tells that yes she has had a large stroke. He tells us that it will take about six weeks before the swelling could really begin to go away. He explains the situation to us and it is decided that she will be stgarted on aspirin and Plavix and that we will not go the full blown blood thinner route.
I can't begin to tell you at this point all of the experiences that we had, from thenurse trying to give her pills in applesauce while she is lying down and almost choking her to taking her for a brium swallow and not even having a operating suction machine when you are giving someone that can't swallow several different thick liquids.
Of course, Mom provides us with some comic relief. She is eating mashed potatoes and reaches across her plate for something. She gets gravy on her forearm and before I can get her a napkin, she licks it off her arm. It was sooooo funny. Leave it to my mom to always make us feel better even when she doesn't feel well.
Next stop: Healthsouth Rehab
We don't leave her side and we don't want to. It was so hard to let them take her to have the angiogram. The staff at GCH was wonderful they let me stay with her until they took her in for the angiogram, I did not want to leave her, I was scared and she was scared, but we had to know what we were dealing with. It seemed like a long time waiting for her to be done and finally they called us. The radiologist calls me into the computer room and shows me the film of her angiogram. It is very evident as you see the dye go through the vessels in her head that on the right side the dye/blood does not flow past a certain point. It is flowing and then abruptly stops. It does not feed the blood vessels past that point and this is the area of her brain that affects her motor skills on the left side. So now we know for sure that it is a large right frontal stroke.
Dr. Vu comes to speak to us and tells us that the treatment might be to give her a blood thinner, but that could cause her to have a bleed, which would be worse than the stroke she has already had, but not doing anything could cause her to have another "embolic" stroke. He defers to Dr. Shumate and we will get to see him later tonight.
Dr. Shumate, what a nice guy, a great doctor and my friend. He comes in and sees Mom and tells that yes she has had a large stroke. He tells us that it will take about six weeks before the swelling could really begin to go away. He explains the situation to us and it is decided that she will be stgarted on aspirin and Plavix and that we will not go the full blown blood thinner route.
I can't begin to tell you at this point all of the experiences that we had, from thenurse trying to give her pills in applesauce while she is lying down and almost choking her to taking her for a brium swallow and not even having a operating suction machine when you are giving someone that can't swallow several different thick liquids.
Of course, Mom provides us with some comic relief. She is eating mashed potatoes and reaches across her plate for something. She gets gravy on her forearm and before I can get her a napkin, she licks it off her arm. It was sooooo funny. Leave it to my mom to always make us feel better even when she doesn't feel well.
Next stop: Healthsouth Rehab
GCH ER Finally someone helps us!!
So here we are, it's Sunday, May 30th, we arrive at the GCH ER and immediately the begin testing her for stroke, sure wish BMC ER would have been so kind. My neurologist friend/angel comes in to see her and he says she has had a right frontal stroke. He gives us (me and my three sisters) advice and as quickly as he arrived he was gone. I know the Lord sent him to help us. After only an hour or so and a quick couple of CT scans, it is determined that she should be admitted. The GCH ER doctor was amazing, Dr. Kulow, they don't get any better than him when it comes to ER doctors. I was told that she never would have been sent home from GCH ER in her condition. After only a few hours, she is admitted and in a private room. Only a few hours later we are moved to a semi-private room. She gets to sleep and I spend the night with her in the hospital. I will say that hospital chairs are very uncomfortable, but not near as uncomfortable as it is to see my mom in the hospital and in the condition that she was in.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
A Long Night At Home
So here we are, we have her at home and in her own bed. She is in quite a bit of pain in her hips and legs and so we give her a 1/2 of the Lortab from the ER. She is so exhausted that she falls fast asleep and I have decided to sleep with her in her bed in the event that she needs me during the night. It was a restless night. I was constantly waking up and checking on her for fear that something may go wrong in the night. We awaken on Sunday morning, May 30th and it takes my sister and I both to get her up out of bed and into the wheelchair and the bathroom. It hurts her terribly to leave and she is unable to move her legs at all. We take her into the kitchen and make her favorite breakfast, raisin bread and orange juice. She eats a small amount and is so tired after being up for four hours that we decide she should go back to bed. It is becoming more and more apparent that she needs to return to the ER (definitely not BMC). I call her orthopedist that had been caring for her prior to her fall and the doc on call says to take her to the ER and have her checked. I then call a very dear neurologist friend of mine and tell him what is going on and that I am desperate and really need some guidance. She is not doing really well and I need some help fast. Several of mom's friends have come over to see her and she is resting in her bed talking to Ms. Davis. Suddenly my sister's are screaming for me and I find that she has started throwing up her breakfast. I hung up on my neurologist friend to care for her and he called me back. He offers to come to her house to see her and I told him that I didn't think that would be necessary that after the vomiting episode it was apparent that we would be heading back to the ER. He graciously offers to meet us there (as a friend) and give me his opinion. So after rapidly cleaning her up, my mom is once again carried to my car and off we go to the Gulf Coast Medical Center ER. I call ahead and tell them that we are in transit. On the way to the hospital I realize I have been praying non-stop in my head and am asking the Lord to please care for my mother. I am 44 years old, a mother myself, but I still need my mother more than ever.
Next post: An entirely different ER experience - Thank the Lord!!!
Next post: An entirely different ER experience - Thank the Lord!!!
The Worst Trip to the ER Ever!
So we pick up where the last blog post left off. We arrive at the Bay Medical Center ER at about 9:20, it was quite the experience for me too!! Neither of us has ever ridden in an ambulance before. Actually my mom at age 80 has never been in the hospital before, with the exception of the birth of her four children (Tommy in Montana and the three of us girls at Bay Medical Center). So she is in the ER on the 56th anniversary of her third child's birth. We are rolled into an exam room and the process begins. She has blood drawn and urine checked and numerous questions asked. Thank goodness she has always been healthy. The ER staff is amazed that she is 80 years old and only takes one blood pressure med and a vitamin, I guess they expected the mega-list about a foot long. The doctor comes in and examines her and orders tests, after normal x-rays and blood work and after 4 hours he comes in and says he thinks she can go home and it was just a fall. The LPN stated to the doctor that he didn't think she should go that she was unable to stand or it up by herself. The doctor then decided that she should go to observation overnight and we would go from there. He said that she would be moved to observation soon. About 3 1/2 hours later she was moved to CDU/observation. At this point she has had no food or water since 8pm the previous night. We have been asking and they keep saying no in case she might need anesthesia, even though the her tests were normal. Some time in the middle of this process, while we are thinking we are waiting for a room for overnight, the ER staff changes shifts. Little did we know that our experience was going to get even worse. The "new" ER doc for the evening reviews her chart and orders a CT scan of her brain and a lumbar spine x-ray, all the while she is in alot of pain and can't hardly move. She has the tests done and we are told by the nurse that they are normal. They have instructions to get her up and out of bed, well that was a feat for two nurses and myself helping. She was unable to bear weight at all and could not sit up straight in the chair by herself. They finally bring her some food, of which she barely eats or drinks.
Just shy of rolling into our 12th hour in the ER, the nurse comes in and says that the doctor says that the tests were normal and that we need to take her home. The nurse tells that the ER doc thinks that since the tests are okay that she is just sore and stiff from falling this morning and that we should take her home and ambulate her once every hours. REALLY????? The doctor never comes in to see her for himself, he never comes and talks to us at all and he sends her home. We even asked if we could speak to him and the nurse states that his recommendation will still be the same. Actually he sends her home with Lortab and steroids and says that we need her to move around so she doesn't get stiff. At this point we are rapidly realizing that she is not going to be cared for at Bay Medical Center. She was discharged and sent home. What else was there to do??? Maybe restrospectively we should have taken her straight to GCH, maybe not, she was so exhausted that we took her home. Maybe he was right, maybe he was WRONG!
Look for the next post: things get worse instead of better!!
Just shy of rolling into our 12th hour in the ER, the nurse comes in and says that the doctor says that the tests were normal and that we need to take her home. The nurse tells that the ER doc thinks that since the tests are okay that she is just sore and stiff from falling this morning and that we should take her home and ambulate her once every hours. REALLY????? The doctor never comes in to see her for himself, he never comes and talks to us at all and he sends her home. We even asked if we could speak to him and the nurse states that his recommendation will still be the same. Actually he sends her home with Lortab and steroids and says that we need her to move around so she doesn't get stiff. At this point we are rapidly realizing that she is not going to be cared for at Bay Medical Center. She was discharged and sent home. What else was there to do??? Maybe restrospectively we should have taken her straight to GCH, maybe not, she was so exhausted that we took her home. Maybe he was right, maybe he was WRONG!
Look for the next post: things get worse instead of better!!
THE BEGINNING OF THIS JOURNEY
As I sit here in Healthsouth Rehab with my mother on this beautiful Sunday morning, so many things are going through my head. First of all it seems surreal that it has been 16 days since my mother's stroke. The days have both flown by and moved in slow motion. I have to look back to when the bad dream began to give some background to how this journey began.
It was Saturday, May 29th, 2010 (my sister Patti's 56th birthday) and I was up and working at my desk at home, which is not an unusual place for me to be at any given time of the day or night. Suzannah was sound asleep as usual and my cell phone began ringing at 8:20am. I thought to myself, I don't recognize that area code or phone number, but I answered it anyway. I think the Lord was leading me and I didn't even realize it. As soon as the person on the other end said this was Life Alert I went into to running mode. They stated that my Mom had pushed the button on her Life Alert and she was not responding to their calls. Off in my pajamas I run next door to her house, my heart is racing and I do not really know what to expect. I unlock and fling open the door and immediately I notice that the bathroom door is closed. I know that is where she is at and I run to the door and call her name. She is on the other side of the door and she has fallen. I can only open the door about 4". She has fallen against the door and I cannot get to her to help. Life Alert calls and I tell them what is going on, they summon the Fire Department and EMS. I reach into the bathroom and tell Mom that I am with her and that she will be okay. Just touching her arm helps us both to feel a little bit better. I run outside and around the back of the house thinking that I can go through the bathroom window to rescue her, but I can't remove the screen or reach the window.
I decide that it would be best to run home, get my purse, throw on some decent clothes and a bra, because I know that we will be making a trip to the ER today and probably should not go in my pajamas. I wake Suzannah up in a rush and tell her what I need her to do and then I run back to my Mom's house. Mom is still lying on the floor and I tell her that I will not leave her. Shortly thereafter, the Fire Dept. arrives, as well as EMS behind them. Suzannah is in the house with EMS and I have taken the firemen out back to show them the bathroom window. They remove the screen and part of the window and climb in to rescue my Mom. I go back inside the house and the bathroom door is open and the EMS worker's are assisting her into a wheelchair. She states that she is fine. Of course, my Mom always says that she is okay even when she might not be. EMS checks her out and she decides not to go to the ER. Her B/P is fine and they leave. We are to call them if need be.
Shortly after they leave we are talking to her and she just stops in mid-sentence. She says that she needs to go to the bathroom, so Suzannah and I try to help her up and we realize that her legs are not working at all. We realize that she has to go to the ER and be checked out. I call 911 and the same EMS guys come back. We load her up and we go to the ER. I have been trying to reach my sister, Karen and have left messages, I call my sister, Patti, and she is immediately on her way to meet us at the hospital. Suzannah has been left behind since only one of us can go in the ambulance. I felt so sorry for her, she is so upset while watching this unfold. The nightmarish ER experience is the next blog post. It is really quite unbelievable!!
It was Saturday, May 29th, 2010 (my sister Patti's 56th birthday) and I was up and working at my desk at home, which is not an unusual place for me to be at any given time of the day or night. Suzannah was sound asleep as usual and my cell phone began ringing at 8:20am. I thought to myself, I don't recognize that area code or phone number, but I answered it anyway. I think the Lord was leading me and I didn't even realize it. As soon as the person on the other end said this was Life Alert I went into to running mode. They stated that my Mom had pushed the button on her Life Alert and she was not responding to their calls. Off in my pajamas I run next door to her house, my heart is racing and I do not really know what to expect. I unlock and fling open the door and immediately I notice that the bathroom door is closed. I know that is where she is at and I run to the door and call her name. She is on the other side of the door and she has fallen. I can only open the door about 4". She has fallen against the door and I cannot get to her to help. Life Alert calls and I tell them what is going on, they summon the Fire Department and EMS. I reach into the bathroom and tell Mom that I am with her and that she will be okay. Just touching her arm helps us both to feel a little bit better. I run outside and around the back of the house thinking that I can go through the bathroom window to rescue her, but I can't remove the screen or reach the window.
I decide that it would be best to run home, get my purse, throw on some decent clothes and a bra, because I know that we will be making a trip to the ER today and probably should not go in my pajamas. I wake Suzannah up in a rush and tell her what I need her to do and then I run back to my Mom's house. Mom is still lying on the floor and I tell her that I will not leave her. Shortly thereafter, the Fire Dept. arrives, as well as EMS behind them. Suzannah is in the house with EMS and I have taken the firemen out back to show them the bathroom window. They remove the screen and part of the window and climb in to rescue my Mom. I go back inside the house and the bathroom door is open and the EMS worker's are assisting her into a wheelchair. She states that she is fine. Of course, my Mom always says that she is okay even when she might not be. EMS checks her out and she decides not to go to the ER. Her B/P is fine and they leave. We are to call them if need be.
Shortly after they leave we are talking to her and she just stops in mid-sentence. She says that she needs to go to the bathroom, so Suzannah and I try to help her up and we realize that her legs are not working at all. We realize that she has to go to the ER and be checked out. I call 911 and the same EMS guys come back. We load her up and we go to the ER. I have been trying to reach my sister, Karen and have left messages, I call my sister, Patti, and she is immediately on her way to meet us at the hospital. Suzannah has been left behind since only one of us can go in the ambulance. I felt so sorry for her, she is so upset while watching this unfold. The nightmarish ER experience is the next blog post. It is really quite unbelievable!!
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