Mom and Me

It's Sunday today. I am sharing the day with my mom today, I enjoy and cherish each moment I can spend with her. So far today we have had breakfast, read the paper, played cards and went for a walk (inside of course, it is too cold outside, actually she rides and I walk). She never ceases to amaze me. Someone came in and asked her what we were doing and she told them that she was "beating Pam at cards". It was pretty fuuny since I was helping her play a game of solitaire. She is always so pleasant and everyone that works here just loves her. She is so appreciative of everything anyone does for her. If you know her that's just the way she is.

She asked me this morning how I knew where she was and I told her that I ALWAYS know where she is and what is going on with her. She said "I know you tell me that all the time".

A year ago today we were spending time together celebrating Paul and my 25th wedding anniversary. Actually it was a surprise celebration since Paul and I did not know anything about it and we walked in to the Green Room at The Martin Theater and found that the party was not for my best friend and her husband, it was acutally for us. Go figure, Mom continues to be amazed at how it was such a well kept secret and how Paul and I had no clue.

I decorated for Valentine's for her and it looks really cute.

TJ, my nephew, came to see her last weekend dressed in his dress uniform. He graduated from Coast Guard Boot Camp in Cape May, NJ on January 7th. She is so proud of him. He brought her an 8x10 picture and she was showing it to everyone.

She is so proud of her grandchildren. She tells everyone about Suz and TJ all the time. I don't know that I have ever seen a prouder "Gram". I set it up so that she could Skype with Suzannah earlier this week and she loved being able to talk to her over the computer. She is amazed that she can see her and talk to her at the same time and what is even more amazing to her is that she is in Tampa while we are talking to her. She says it is "just weird", but she likes it.

She went to restorative therapy and just returned. I guess I better go since we have precious time to spend together and we don't want to waste a minute of it.

Hopefully I will post sooner than later. Until then know that we are enjoying our days and times spent together and I still feel like the most blessed girl in the world to By My Mother's Side.


Pam

A NEW YEAR

I am sitting here with my Mom this morning and she is sleeping so peacefully. I am reflecting on all that happened in 2010, the happiness, the sadness, the surprises and the disappointments. It seems that there was quite a bit of each. Little did we know as we rang in 2010 the things that were in store for us this past year.

As I recall the first five months were filled with fun and celebrations: Paul and I celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary with a SURPRISE party and a cruise, Suzannah turned 19 and we celebrated Mom's 80th birthday in March.

I often reflect on the last 7 months since her stroke and think WOW, it doesn't seem that long since she had her stroke and other times it seems like a lifetime ago. So many things have changed since that fateful day, May 29th, not only was it my oldest sister's birthday, but the day that changed my life forever.

So many things have changed since then, my Mom, always independent and self-sufficient, is now dependent and in need of assistance. As I have said in previous blogs, not only is the person that suffers the physical catastrophe of a stroke affected, but the family is as well. Our family will never be the same again in many different ways, some good, some bad and some just unexplainable.

So many things are the same, my Mom is still the precious, gracious, appreciative, selfless, loving and wonderful mother of my childhood, she still loves her family more than anything and wants the best for each of us as she has from the beginning of our lives. She has always thought of and put us before herself. She is the highlight of my day and I am blessed to be her daughter. I can only hope that my daughter will love me 1/2 as much as I love my Mom, if so, I will be so thankful and blessed.

So I guess that 2010 taught me first hand that your life can be changed in a second and that there is no way that I could have survived the trials of this past year if I had not had faith in my Lord and the confidence that He will take care of me no matter the circumstance.

As I enter 2011, I will continue to be By My Mother's Side no matter what comes our way because it is a privilege and an honor to be there for her, just as she has always been there for me.
"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children" Proverbs 17:6

"My God shall supply shall supply all our needs, according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19

Reflections on the past 5 months of life By My Mother's Side

I know it's been a long time since I have posted anything, but life has been really busy and CRAZY!! I just have to reflect after thinking about this all day yesterday. Although my Mom is always in the very top of my thoughts each day, yesterday I seemed to dwell on the fact that it was the 5 month anniversary of her stroke. 5 months ago we didn't know where we were going on this journey and by no means have we arrived. At times it seems like the last five months have been a lifetime. So many things have changed in five months, some good and some bad. Mom has certainly progressed since her stroke, it has been a slow process and she still has a long way to go. In the beginning the recovery seemed very slow and arduous, but in the last month or so it seems as though she has come out of what I call the "stroke fog". She has been able to walk with a walker with assistance, limited distances, but WOW, we weren't sure she would ever be able to do it. Even the therapists were amazed. She has good and bad days, like the rest of us do, but she is still the precious, sweet mother of my childhood. She is always gracious, kind and is ever so thankful and appreciative for all that is done for her. She continues to say thank you to everyone. She is such a strong woman, I cannot begin to express in words my admiration of her. I would like to think that I have inherited that strength and resilience and that my daughter has too.

I was sitting in her room the other day watching her sleep a most peaceful sleep, I began to wonder about our life here on earth. It seems that we grow up so quickly and then work so hard for the majority of our life for "things" and then as we find ourselves in the "sunset" years of life and something as nasty as a stroke changes the course of our life. We get blindsided by an illness, a tragedy, heartache or something of the like. The Lord has it all under control and I am so thankful for His mercy and grace.

A very dear to my heart older woman that I know told me not long after my mother's stroke, that they should not be called the "golden years" because "there is nothing golden about them". I didn't really think about it until she said that.

I do know this, a stroke happens to the entire family, not just the person that has experienced the stroke. It is life altering for everyone involved.

The experience has changed alot of things in my life and I am not sure what else the future holds for me and my family, but I do know that the Lord has been there with us all the time, otherwise we could have never survived. I know that He knows the future and all we need to do is trust in Him everyday because He makes all things possible. Even in the hard times God is good!!!!

Hopefully, it won't be months before I write again, but until then, take care and here is my my favorite scripture. "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14

WOW! WHAT A WEEK!!

Sorry it's been a while since I posted something. The past week has been crazy to say the least. It started out pretty good and then got kind of wild. Tuesday we had someone coming over to install a new window A/C unit at my mom's house. The old one seemed to be goin kaput. When they turned the new one on, it didn't even work, so back to Home Depot (Paul and Karen) to take it back and they went to Lowe's and bought another one. We were waiting to have someone call us to install the new one, hopefully the next day. On Wednesday AM I took Mom to a doctor's appointment and then to pre-op for an outpatient procedure. The process ended up taking about 4 hours and she was very tired at the end of that ordeal. I arrived home with her and she should have fallen fast asleep, instead she slept for about 30 minutes and woke up with some strange symptoms. She didn't really know where she was and some of her words were a little strange. She didn't even know who I was. The home health nurse was called and she came in and said that all of her vitals were good and that she thought maybe she was just tired. I put her in bed and she finally fell off to sleep. Well, we thought the day was looking a little bit better, and BAM!!! The A/C unit that was waiting to be replaced, completely QUIT working. So you can imagine how hot it got, a whopping 97 degrees in her house at 6:00pm. Paul and Suzannah proceeded to change out the new A/C themselves. We called TJ, my nephew, and he came over after a little while and the three of them removed the old A/C unit and installed the new one. By 11:00am we had a new A/C unit and it was immediately cooler. Of course, we kept mom cool with fans etc. she was the most important one, but I can only tell you that it was hotter in the house than outside it seemed.

You know I am amazed at my daughter, she just jumped right in and did whatever it took to help her Dad. She is such a pleasure, she has alot of my mom's attributes. Truly my daughter has been so blessed to have my mom play such a large part in her life. So by now we think all is good and we have made it through the week. Little did we know that we were in for more.

The next morning, Thursday, Karen said that she had a good night and her caregiver, Sherry, (I can't even tell you how blessed we are to have Sherry, she is so good with Mama) She had a really good day and after we put her in bed for the night we all retired to our respective places. About 12:50am on Friday morning, Karen called me and said that something was not quite right and so I went next door and Mom was talking and it was a steady stream of words, some that we could make out and most that we could not. We called the ambulance and took her to Gulf Coast Hospital. We arrived there at 1:30am and for 5 hours she had a constant stream of unintelligble words until she wore herself out and finally fell asleep. She was admitted to the hospital at 6:30am and had several tests, MRI of her head and a CT scan of her hip. We saw Dr. Shumate, what a great doc and friend, and several others. We are waiting to hear if she has had another stroke or what is going on. It is felt that some of the delirium could have been caused by an infection. I guess we will soon find out for sure.

So here we sit in the hospital again. Mom seems to be doing well today and during the day yesterday and last night she seemed to come out of the "delirium". It will be nice to know exactly what has happened and what we need to do.

She is resting well today and I have found time to blog a little. Stay tuned, you never know what type of things we will experience in the future.

Hopefully she will get well quick. We certainly appreciate everyone's prayers and concern. I am not sure how you can make it through something like this without your friends and family.

I know that you hear people say "take one day at a time" I have decided in the two months following my mom's stroke that the only way to really survive is to take every moment at a time. Through this experience I can say that I have a different perspective on life and I am trying to focus on the important things and let everything else take care of itself. Sometimes that is easier said than done, but I am trying really hard!! The most important thing right now is that I am BY MY MOTHER'S SIDE!!!!

IT'S THE SMALL THINGS

In my previous post I forgot to mention something that I have noticed, it is how the small things mean more than we take the time to realize.

I have noticed that even the small and simple things now seem HUGE and amazing to me. I mean to most people a trip to Dairy Queen wouldn't mean a whole lot, but this past week after Suzannah and I took Mom to one of her doctor's appointments, we took her through the Dairy Queen drive thru for ice cream. Just that simple thing made her day, she rode in the car and ate soft serve vanilla ice cream and drove down Beach Drive for a change of scenery and to get a little fresh air with the windows down. I know that had to be wonderful to be out of the house, out of the bed and out of the wheelchair even though she was exhausted.

When I went to the store for a few things the other night, I passed by the flowers and thought to myself, WOW those yellow ones are gorgeous, Mom would love them. So a whopping $10.00 later (LOL) I took them home and she loved them. I put them so she could see them all the time. She received alot of beautiful flowers during her stay in the hospital too and she enjoyed them.

Just a visit from TJ (her grandson) and my Suzannah (her granddaughter) makes her smile. I love to see her smile, it makes me know that there are times when she is happy and that her thoughts are not on having a stroke.

You just wouldn't even think about this, but Penny made the cutest bag and had "Gram" and a flower monogrammed on it. The bag is for her catheter bag to go in when she goes to the doctor so that it is covered and everyone doesn't see a catheter bag attached to her wheelchair, it looks like the cutest tote bag. Penny is so talented, once again it's the small things that make the BIG difference.

This past Monday she was concerned because she needed a card for her dear friend's birthday and she didn't have one. I went to the store and picked out a card that I knew she would like. The next morning she signed the card and wrote out the address on the envelope. It almost made me cry, something so simple now seemed so BIG!! She wanted to do it for herself, it was from her and it was personal. Her hand writing now is a little different, but it was her making that effort that was so touching.

I have to say that's how my Mom has always lived her life, thinking about other people even in the midst of what she is going through. She always says to me when I am lifting her, "Pam, be careful, don't hurt your back" She has never once said "don't drop me" even though I know sometimes she is scared.

I always take the time when I stand her up to hug her, it's the best feeling in the world just to hold her and hug her so she knows how much I love her.

I am so thankful for the small things because if you really look at these things, you can't help but realize that they are the BIG things, it just depends on your perspective. I know that my Mom is not the only one that has been changed by her stroke, it has affected our entire family. Life is different now and it's okay because we can appreciate the small and important things in life. I think when life is so busy and crazy we miss out on the small things.

Make sure you tell someone you love them today and that you appreciate them, I know I will.

Home Sweet Home-An Update

Well, I guess I have been too busy to blog because I haven't written since June 19th. Life has been a little crazy and we are all getting used to our new "schedules". Mom came home on June 29th. She was so glad to see her house and all of her own things. After one month of being in the hospital, I am sure home was so refreshing. She sleeps in a hospital bed in her living room, but that's okay, she is home. We set it up so she has a view out of the window and can see what is going on outside. Paul and I put up a big "Welcome Home" banner on the outside of her house and she loved it, so much so that she did not want us to take it down and this was a week later. I finally convinced her that the weather would make it fall down eventually and we compromised, we took off of the outside of the house and hung inside the house in the living room over the curtains and the window. It is amazing what simple things can make someone happy, I never realized that that simple little sign would mean so much to her.

We have been caring for her 24/7 and we are learning everyday about how to do things easier and more efficiently. She is so sweet, never asking for anything and always saying please and thank you. I know it is extremely difficult for her to have her children and daughter-in-law caring for her because so much is required. Honestly, who else could care better for her than US! We are so happy to have the opportunity and privilege of doing so. She is at home and whatever it takes to keep her there we are committed to doing.

She still does not have use of her left leg, but Praise the Lord she can use her left arm. The doctors are amazed about that. She has to have assistance in any movement, such as getting from the bed to the wheelchair, car etc.

She has had three doctors appts since coming home and all went well. One of her doctors even commented on what a "spiffy" wheelchair she has. It is not your usual and customary black, the fabric looks like Burberry print. She and I picked it out so it didn't look so hospital/dull/boring like most other wheelchairs.

We have hired a private sitter to spend the work days with Mom while we are at work, we stay with her nights and weekends around the clock. She comes highly recommended and we are hoping that they become friends as well. Karen spent the first week with her that she was home, Penny (my sister-in-law) spent the second week and then a dear friend of ours (Linda Stewart)spent last week with her during the day. Karen and I spend the night during the week and then the weekends are rotated. I was planning to stay with her next week during the day, but we found Sherry. She starts tomorrow morning and we are praying that all goes well.

Mom has had alot of visitors, in the hospital and since coming home. My Mom's friends have been so wonderful to come and see her and they come often. She has been friends with these ladies for much longer than I have been alive. She enjoys seeing them and they always make her smile. Mary Davis, Katherine Chafin and Peggy Pons, they are the BEST!! There are others that would take too long to list, but you know who you are and THANK YOU!!!

I guess I have updated as much as I can for now. It is not nearly as inclusive as it could be, but I hope to do better to keep everyone updated in the future.

As I watch her sleep :)

As I watch my mom sleep and watch to make sure she is breathing, I can't help but think that when I was little she surely watched me and made sure that I was breathing. I think of all the things that she has done for me and my family. She always gave us the best, always sacrificing for whatever we needed and always, always putting us first. I learned from her how to be a mother, she was an amazing example. She is the best "Gram" ever. She has a special relationship with my daughter. They are so very close. She took care of her from the time I went back to work after her birth until the time she started school and then afternoons after she went to school. She has been to scocer games, volleyball games and anything else that Suz was involved in and has always been one of her biggest fans. I remember the day that Suz left for college, mom said " I told myself that I was not going to cry". As soon as Suz came in the door to tell her goodbye, they both started bawling. They have a very special relationship and I think they are both better for it.

My mom has always been the caregiver in our family all these years. Now it is our turn to care for her. I guess in life you come full circle. It is my honor and privilege to be able to care for her. I will do everything in my power to honor her and I am happy to make sacrifices for her, after all she deserves it.